4:11am and I’m awake. I’d napped yesterday – a couple of times, actually, so I am all slept up. And Brutus, my big, brawny black cat is awake and wanting attention.
Scott dozes beside me. This is the first night I’ve slept upstairs. It had finally cooled off a bit, and I was confident that I would be comfortable in my real bed after three restful nights on the daybed in my downstairs studio.
Scooping up the med bottles, my water bottle, paperback (The Best Women’s Travel Writing of 2011) and cell phone, I creep downstairs. I notice that I’m not in pain – having replaced the powerful opiod pain-killers of two pills ago in favor of 600 mg Ibuprofen. Another good sign!
I empty the contents of my catheter bottle into the downstairs toilet. This process had freaked me out at first, but four days later, it’s just a minor inconvenience. They accidentally nicked my bladder during surgery, so this is necessary for healing. Actually, it’s kind of nice to not need to go to the toilet so often! See? Another blessing.
Brutus is hungry, as usual. His cries are insistent and loud. So I pry open a can of Friskies Savory Shreds with Whitefish & Tuna, mix it with dry food and set it down on his red plastic placemat. I watch him devour it – as if we never feed him. When we adopted him from the shelter they told us he came from a hoarder house with dozens of cats. No wonder . . .
It’s now 4:30 and all is quiet. I switch on the bedside light in my studio; the lamp that used to be in my bedroom in Saginaw is now fashionably vintage. I make a comfy space of pillows and quilts on the daybed. I open Youtube on my phone and search for a song.
As Jane Siberry sings the first plaintive words of “Calling All Angels,” I lean back into the pillows and do the visualization I’ve created just for me. I close my eyes and see a constellation of stars on the ceiling – little dots of light are bursting from the perforations from the six-inch incision on my tummy – where the staples are. The golden light that fills me up – from all the well wishes and love that people and angels have showered on me – is oozing out of my staple holes!
calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don’t leave me alone . . .
There’s no question I was calling all angels when I published that first blog. And again when I published the second one. And you – all you angels – you came!
What an incredible blessing: to publish something so intensely personal – my stream-of-consciousness therapy session – and have instant gratification and support from hundreds of friends, family, employees, customers, business colleagues . . . all my angels.
ah, and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
why it’s ah, it’s almost as
if you could only crack the code
then you’d finally understand what this all meansah, but if you could…do you think you would
trade in all, all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you’d miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving . . .
And I wonder, would I trade in all the pain and suffering? All those years of self-doubt and searching? Ah, but then I’d miss the beauty and the sweetness of all these blessings . . .
So, no. The answer is no. This payoff – this treasure of friends and love and goodness – is just too sweet.
BONUS: The music track that follows “Calling All Angels” is “Hallelujah” with KD Lang. Warning: it’s powerful. Cue the Kleenex.
Melissa
July 26, 2016Love. Angels. And lots of sparkles.
Julie Franz
July 26, 2016Lovely images! Amazing progress! And only you could find the blessing in having your bladder nicked during surgery! So nice you have created such a beautiful environment in which to heal! Glad you are able to get up and down stairs now!
Kathleen Barry
July 26, 2016Beautiful, poignant, and. Deep. Thank you. 👼
Diane Lenkin
July 26, 2016WOW. Wonderful to hear you’re feeling so good but no surprise because of your optimism and all the love sent to you for healing.
❤️💙💚💜💛
Mary Jo
July 27, 2016I love your healing mind , Marilyn….stay strong, visualation is a powerful tool in life and healing.
Tree
July 27, 2016Congratulations! You have successfully completed The Heroine’s Journey. And we all thank you for taking us along and teaching us the lessons along the way. I know you didn’t sign on to lead this tour of the soul, but I think it may be the best tour you’ve ever returned from. Priceless.
Gail
July 27, 2016Hope you feel better and better each day. The sunshine always helps, and hope the heat is not too intense. Love your words of healing. Keep up the good work. Your are an angel to all of us and a God Bless you for keep all the positives going. LOVE YOU, cousin.
Angel O'Hanlon Tinnirello
July 28, 2016Somehow I missed Poops 1 and 2 (I just giggled when I typed that ;-), but I deduced your challenge from your Facebook posts.
I am so grateful you are doing well. Your sparkling attitude is infectious and that energy shines in everything you do, even a medical adventure!
Your staff is remarkable and in my experience, fine people attract and keep other fine people, so props to you!
Keep feeling well. I hope your Scott is able to enjoy a good solid snooze at your side and you continue to blog, blog, blog, and feel well! You are by far one of my favorite ‘travel chance encounters’!
Continue healing!
Angel.
Nina mihranian
July 28, 2016Prayers Angels inner universal powerful love all coming to you as I write.
Keep doing what you have been doing cause it’s working .hugs and kisses to you gorgeous!